The New Normal

Thought maybe you'd like to know what's happening with Mom.

After talking with the physical therapist at the Rossville nursing home, he made it very clear that baring a miracle, Mom would never return to assisted living.  I immediately set into motion the steps to transfer her to the St Elizabeth facility in Delphi.  I had two reasons for that decision: Although I loved the assisted living facility and staff in the Rossville Healthcare unit, I absolutely got the willies when in the regular nursing side and would never, under any circumstance, leave Mom there.  Secondly, the Delphi St Elizabeth Healthcare facility is beautiful, close to home, and has an Indiana Consumer Healthcare rating of 5 out of 5.  Rossville has a 1 out of 5.

Last Friday, after working in the church office the whole week, Deke and I moved Mom to Delphi.  We got as much furniture as possible from her apartment in the van then gathered up Mom's things in her nursing care room and scooted her out the door. She was dehydrated and zombie-like, but with our assistance, was able to get into our van for the trip.  She moaned most of the way.  The nurses at Delphi were expecting her and helped to get her settled in her room. Deke stayed with her through the admittance procedure of taking vitals etc while I filled out the paperwork.  When all was done, I asked that a tray be brought for her dinner.  She ate like she hadn't eaten in days.

The next day, Deke and I made two more trips to Rossville to clear out Mom's apartment. Emotionally, it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated. By that time I had grown accustomed to the idea that Mom was on the next phase of her life, and this was the new normal.

She has settled in to her new digs quite well, and I am thrilled at the care she is receiving. I see her most days and find her calm and resting.  I was able to see her Dr's physician assistant one day as he was making his rounds, and it was decided that Mom should receive some stronger pain med for her back.  She had been on a regimen on Tylenol for years, but it wasn't working any longer. Yesterday, when I was with Mom, she didn't complain once about back pain.

So this is the beginning of another phase of our lives.  Without getting maudlin and overly-dramatic, it feels like it looks outside: cold, wet, overcast and gray.  However, I know from faith and experience that spring is coming for all of us.  One of these days the sun will shine again and there won't be a cloud in the sky. Mom is gonna love that day when she sees the Son and is wrapped in the warm blanket of love.  But until then, we will trust that He knows what He's doing, and we will rest in the Son's plan.

Nothing ever stays the same. This is our new normal.

MOM

I got a phone call late Friday night, the day after Thanksgiving.  "Your mom has fallen out of bed and has some bruising on her left arm plus some scratches on her finger and nose. Just wanted you to know."  A few hours later I got almost the same message again, and then before we could get to the assisted living facility, she had fallen for the third time.

"We think she has had a stroke.  Do you want to send her to the hospital?" No, I don't want her sent to the hospital again.  That's where we went the last time this happened and after they had stuck her 14 times trying to get in the IV, I had to leave the room.  And all of that for the Dr to tell me that she had suffered yet another TIA, and even though this one didn't take her life, each one was like the rumbling of a volcano before the big eruption.  So we had another rumbling.  This one struck her right side causing her right leg and arm to flop around uselessly.  No grip and no support to stand well.

I made the decision to stay with her that night.  She moaned constantly. "Mom, where does it hurt?"  She complains of pain in her left rib area.  During the wee hours of the morning she calls for her mom.  I tell her that her mom is in heaven.  This is an unbelievable revelation.

"Why can't I feel my arm?"

Because you've had a stroke.

"Why can't I remember that?"

Because a few years ago you suffered a virus that took your memory.

"How long have I been out of it?"

Four years.

"Where's my family?"  I begin with myself and my siblings then tell her about Dad then to all of her relatives who have died. We move on to the grandchildren and their children. "You said Bob died 10 years ago but I've been out of it for 4 years.  Why can't I remember Bob dying?"  What's this?  Are we having a lucid conversation after years of repetitious story-telling?  I sleep a total of 3 interrupted hours.

The next morning X-rays were taken to see if there was some breakage.  The X-rays come back that afternoon saying all is well.

My blessed husband stays with Mom while I go home in the early afternoon to try to sleep.  I try, but I only get 3 hours. When I return, Deke  goes home to prepare to teach my adult Sunday School class in the morning.  Mom and I begin another night together.  I drag the sofa cushion onto the floor and sleep in my clothes again.  The moaning starts at 10:00PM.  At midnight-thirty, she screams, "Something's in bed with me!"  I soon figure out that it's her paralyzed arm. There's no feeling in it.  She continues in her agitated state, and then I hear her say, "OH, help me.  I want to do the right thing."

"What is it Mom?"  She has to use the commode.  Fortunately, the nurses had brought in a portable unit.  I pull the nurse's call cord and an hour later we have Mom in bed again.

"Why can't I feel my arm? What's wrong with my leg? Where are you, Mom? I want my mom."

The next morning we all come to the conclusion that she can no longer stay in assisted living. However, we'll keep this room on the chance that physical therapy will bring her around. We begin the paperwork, and by 3:00PM everything is ready to take Mom to "the other side."  I look around her room for what may be the last time and am amazed that tears well up in my eyes.  We pass 5 or 6 residents playing cards, but I can hardly see them through my tears. We pass through the double doors into the regular nursing home side and my heart falls.  It's not carpeted, it's not homey, it's not bright nor cheery.  I push Mom in the wheelchair into her new room and am greeted by the blasting of her roommate's TV.  The curtain is drawn between the beds, much like hospital rooms of old. It takes me about 2 minutes to put her clothes in her closet and arrange her toiletries.  The orderly brings in Mom's platform rocker and we get her situated. She starts rocking.  Her eyes are closed and she has that perpetual smile on her face.  I sit opposite her in the wheelchair with tears running down my face.  I try to stop, but it feels like that feeling when I dropped off my kids for the first day of school. But this is my mom, and we've switched rolls.

The only thing that sustains me is the conversation I had with the Lord just after Mom had her stroke. I was standing in the bathroom in front of the mirror when I said out loud, "Lord, help me. I don't know what to do."

It was that still small voice that said to me, "Yes, you do."

I answered, "I do?"

Quite clearly He said, "Trust Me." I almost laughed out loud.  Why, that's so simple.  Of course that's what I need to do.  I don't need to know "the plan."  I need to trust Him.  So I'll follow the Jones family verse that has taken us through at least 2 generations:  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight."

Family Thanks

Eight of us gathered here for our Thanksgiving feast. After praying and eating some of us:

Slept

Socialized

Fiddled

Puzzled

But all had a good time

2nd Barn Saga Installment

Deke is trying desperately to complete his barn project before the bad weather sets in.  Austin, our youth pastor, has been a tremendous help and stepped in when I could no longer handle the big plywood sheets.  He was able to heft them aloft almost singlehandedly when the guys screwed up the plywood ceiling, and now he is helping Deke insulate, put up the vapor barrier and sheet the walls.  Big job but it will pay off this winter when all of Deke's tools stay warm and dry with no rusting.

Insulation ready to install

Double doors installed

Up goes the insulation and vapor barrier

If all goes well, the guys will finish this week in time to start painting. It just so happens that one of my birthday gifts came just in time for the big job.  I GOT A PROFESSIONAL POWER PAINTER! Yesseree, if you want something painted, lacquered or varnished just call on me to do the job.  This little handy-dandy baby will do any small or large job around the house.

So stick around for the next exciting installment of the Barn Saga entitled, "Painting With the Pros.".

Wild on the Wildcat

On Saturday, after a morning working at the church for the "Dayton Dash" Deke said we needed to veg out and do something fun and relaxing. Ah, yes, a kayak float trip down the Wildcat Creek was just the ticket. We asked Austin and Amber, our youth pastor and his wife, to join us so the four of us packed up the gear and headed to Knop Lake access. We dropped off the first car then headed to Cutler to the Adams Mill Covered Bridge to "put in." The day was gorgeous, but by the time we actually got on the creek, it was past 2:00PM. The sun was shining and the trees were just a little past their fall color prime but still lovely reflecting off the water.

We leisurely paddled our way down the Wildcat, stopping only once for a potty break. But what's this? We come to a complete stop when we encounter a log jam that stretches clear across the creek. No way around so we go over. Oh well, that's just a little loss of time- no big deal. So we take off again, winding our way through still water and rapids before coming once again upon yet another log jam. This happens three times.

Say, how far is Knop Lake anyway? We've been on the water for almost 4 hours and we still aren't close because we still haven't come to that other covered bridge and it's at least 2 miles beyond before the Knop Lake take-out.

By now it's getting on to 6:30 and the sun is rapidly disappearing. Where is that bridge? I feel a great need to get going and get going fast. As the others start to lag behind, I kick into gear and start paddling like a madwoman. Someone has to get to the take-out spot before the darkness overtakes us preventing us from spotting the rutted path down to the water.

I shoot the last 2 rapids in total dusk, barely able to see the rocks or obstacles in the way. I come upon a camp of fishermen and ask how far to the take-out. OH, a couple of thousand feet, one of them says. Furiously now I wind down the creek. Is that the path? No. How about that spot? That can't be it, can it? I back-paddle to make sure I haven't passed, but the stream is too swift for me to make much headway. I step out of the kayak into about a foot of water and try to drag the kayak ashore. Splash. I trip and get soaked from my chest down. I run up the rutted path to find our car parked at the entrance. Total relief! I made it! But now it's absolutely dark and I'm soaked and the other three are still on the water somewhere behind me. I go back to the water's edge and whistle. No one. I try phoning (cell was in a zip-lock bag) but get no answer. Finally, straining my eyes, I see the reflection of Amber's yellow paddle just feet away. The guys are right behind and we all feel a need to kiss the ground. We drag our kayaks up the hill and just as we make the parking lot, we see headlights. Strains of the music from "Deliverance" race through my brain. But no, it's the conservation officer checking up on us. He approaches us with his flashlight and begins his inquisition. Do you own the car and trailer at the Adams's Mill put-in? (How did he know that?)Who owns these kayaks? Did you fish? How many life jackets do you have? All the time he is questioning us, he is inspecting our kayaks and gear. Alcohol? Drugs? Fishing without a license? On the water after dark? Idiots? Fortunately we pass the inspection without getting a ticket. It's a 40 minute round trip drive back to our put-in spot to pick up our car with the utility trailer, so Deke volunteers to stay with the gear while the rest of us make the trip. I am dripping wet and the temp has dropped to 50 degrees. By the time all of us are together again, I am experiencing some hypothermia, haven't eaten in 8 hours, am totally exhausted, and have a headache. So much for a relaxing paddle down the creek.

We left our spare car here so that we would have transportation back to our put-in spot when we completed our trip

This was our put-in spot. 

Amber with the kayaks just before we launched

On the water at last

Amber and Austin oblivious to the nightmare yet to come

Cuties

Oh no, we hit our first snag

No problem.  Upsey daisy

One down and 3 to go!

Self-photo

Is it getting dark, or is that my imagination?

So ends our saga on the Wildcat. It's hard to take pictures in the dark so you'll just have to imagine the rest of the story as I told it. Moral of the story: Start earlier if you want to kayak the Wildcat.

Flying High

After visiting with Emily and Jonny, we flew to San Antonio for Deke's Air Force Pilot Training Class Reunion.  It had been 5 years since our last reunion and 40 years since we had seen many of the attendees.  What fun we had catching up on our lives.  The guys picked up right where they left off years ago and, as Deke said, they were all 2nd Lieutenants again.

We all took a bus to Del Rio to Laughlin AFB to revisit their training base.  It's situated on the Mexican border and when we were there 40 years ago, there were no fast food restaurants and most of the roads were dirt.  Things have changed.  As we drove around the town, we saw restaurants, motels, malls and it got to the place where we didn't even think we were in the right town any longer.  We ended up at the base being met at the gate by a protocol officer who took us to lunch at the club then proceeded to take us on a tour of the base.  We ended up at the flightline where 3 student pilots met us and took us to a T-38, the last and fastest jet the guys flew in training.  The latest training strategy no longer lets every student fly this plane.  If you are heading in the fighter pilot direction, you can get training in this plane, but if you are wanting to fly the "heavies", the big cargo planes etc, you fly something like a biz-jet.  So for the guys in Deke's class, this was an extra treat to be able to crawl up in the cockpit once again and relive those terrifying memories of flying this little rocket.  Actually, Deke got the award as the outstanding pilot in the class flying this particular plane. He loved it and said he could "feel" what to do when flying it.  Anyway, it was nostalgia all over the place for these guys.  What a rush!

Touring the Alamo (again)

On the flightline talking with current pilot training instructor

"Tiger" picture with Deke's favorite trainer, the T-38

Now this is a machine!

Don't laugh.  This too will be you in 40 years! By the way, a poll was taken of how many flying hours these guys have accrued over the years. 200,000.  You see before you 3 career AF pilots, 4-5 airline pilots, vast majority flew for the Guards or Reserves, two preachers (one a Bishop), a NASA man, a couple of financial types, and Tony Stewart's pilot for the past few years.  One of them is a Dane who now lives in France flying for a French airline.  Can you guess who is who?

Go West, Old Folks, Go West

For the past 8 days we have been traveling.  We left on a Saturday and flew to Burbank, CA to be with Emily and Jonny for a few days.  You can find their place just off of an itty-bitty alley, where they park on an itty-bitty incline, to get into their itty-bitty second story walk-up apartment.  It's really ideal for them as affordable apartments with parking are few and far between.

I don't know what to say about Los Angeles and the surrounding environs.  One thing I know for sure, I don't ever want to live there.  Too many people, too many cars, too many freeways, too many houses, too much smog, too few civilities, ... My soul felt spiritually bereft of faith, hope and love.  But I can tell that it once was a beautiful place nestled in a huge valley surrounded on 3 sides by mountain ranges.

Jonny had flown to Chicago for a gig, so Emily, Deke and I spent a few days exploring the area and seeing some of the tourist sites.  The day we arrived we headed to the Getty Museum, just a short hop on the freeway from the apartment.  The grounds were breathtaking.

Front entrance to the museum

Just one of the magnificent gardens

The art and antiques were exquisite:

Deke in front of a Renoir

Some french aristocrat's bed

On Sunday we attended their church (which is right across the street ) and that evening ate dinner at the pastor's house with a few other former Wilmore, KY folks. The minister had been our kids' youth pastor when we lived in KY while Deke was completing seminary, so it was a great evening of catching up on our lives and loving on one another. 

On Monday the three of us went to the beach at Malibu.  It was a gorgeous day and we loved lounging on the sand, reading our books,  watching the surfers do their thing while munching on cheese and crackers. 

When Jonny returned to CA, we took a day to visit the Griffith Observatory. It sits high on a hill commanding a magnificent view of the valley.

Griffith Observatory-the site of many movies eg: Rebel Without a Cause and Rocketeer

Los Angeles in the background

Obligatory pose with the "Hollywood" sign

We ate some exotic meals, snacked on Pink Berry yogurt, and inhaled our first ever "In-N-Out" burger (yummy). We played Aggravation, Euchre and learned the game of "Golf." We had a great time just being with the kids and enjoying their society.

From Los Angeles, we flew to San Antonio to attend Deke's 40th Pilot Training Class Reunion. I'll blog about that later on this week.

My Favorite Tinkerbells

I've been gone for 2 weeks helping Mark and Lori get settled in with their new little guy, John Mark.  He's the sweetest little baby and is a real chunk.  Oddly enough, I didn't get even one picture of him the whole time.  When I checked my pictures on my digital camera, I only have the shots of two of the granddaughters at one of our get-togethers when I presented them with their "fairy" outfits.  Not one other picture did I take of anything else. I guess I was so busy taking care of things I just didn't take care of picture taking. 

Projects

It's project city around here.

#1 A few months ago, we decided to make a unit to house our large screen TV, so using 2 bookcases Deke made in 1980, he built a bottom table on which the TV stands and a bridge to connect the whole unit. Deke built it- I finished it. The picture does not do it justice, but it functions well and looks great in the basement.

#2 Having looked at a scratched and marred coffee table for the past few years, I picked it up one day and carried it to the barn where I stripped the top in preparation to refinish the surface. Deke built this one too way back in the 90's so I was familiar with the cherry wood and the finish I had done before. It took me 3 full days because after the staining, I polyurethaned that baby with 3 heavy coats.Afterall, I have another generation coming along who will, no doubt, bang it to death. Ah, heaven!

#3 Knowing that the granite countertops were being installed soon, I wanted to coordinate the kitchen furniture to fit in with the new decor. So I painted the kitchen chairs a satin black. Love, love, love the affect.

#4 Granite countertops. You might remember my story of how this all came about (see June entry) and finally the day arrived. These pictures are not all that great; guess you have to be here to appreciate the beauty. I absolutely love the warmth and practicality of the surfaces. What a joy to be able to cut up anything without getting out my old cutting board! The black accents everywhere are just perfect-so happy with the whole project.

#5 The barn. For years, Deke has wanted to enclose and winterize a room in the barn to house his woodworking tools. So finally he sat down and figured up his list of needs and began a week ago Saturday. On that day, he and I ripped out one wall and installed a 2x12 header that nearly killed me to lift overhead and install. We put up a new wall, making the room much larger, and now he is ready to install the electrical before insulating, sheeting and finishing the project. Lots to do before the really cold weather arrives.

So there you have it- 5 huge projects in as many months. And no, we are not for hire.

Temporary electricity

Deke removing old wall header

Timber!

Newly painted kitchen chairs

Basement TV Unit

Refinished coffee table

Granite

Another view with different light

It's a Boy!

John Mark Jones was born on Sunday, September 11, 2011, to Mark and Lori Jones. He weighed in at 9# 10oz and is 22" long. It was a rough start for his mama but she is recovering nicely and will leave the hospital in a day or two. Lori says he looks like his G-Pa Deke. If that's the case, it's the first grandchild who has even a hint of resemblance to the Jones' side. Anyway, we are so blessed to welcome this little one in our family. What a gift from God.